In search of, part two. May 29, 2008Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
Tags: blog search phrases, humor
Our friend Ben noted in an earlier post (“In search of”) how much the search phrases readers use to reach Poor Richard’s Almanac amuse and educate us. Some of them make us laugh; some of them amaze us; and some of them intrigue us. We are grateful to our readers for all three types, and to WordPress for letting us see them. They really brighten our day.
Just today, we’ve had some real gems. In addition to the ever-popular “pirate food,” someone searched for “food ports pirates.” Our friend Ben doesn’t know about you, but that sounds like a Jimmy Buffet album title to me. (Listen up, Jimmy!)
There’s the intriguing “sea salt for fruit trees.” Our friend Ben doesn’t know about this one, but it’s certainly worth investigating. We love our salt; perhaps our fruit trees would, too? And what a great title for a novel or book of poems. (Don’t steal it, now!)
Then there’s “cook green beans with coke cola.” Now, our friend Ben loves green beans, and I love Coca-Cola. But the thought of even washing green beans down with Coke makes me feel queasy, much less cooking them in it. Coca-Cola in cake? We haven’t done it, but we can see it. Coca-Cola in barbecue sauce? Well, okay. (We’d rather drink our Coke and put bourbon in the barbecue sauce, but yes, we can see it, too.) Coca-Cola in green beans?!! This is scary, folks. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Most searches do, in fact, have some relationship to our blog posts. But there’s one recurring search that continues to baffle our friend Ben: “blue cat statue in yard.” Here at Hawk’s Haven, we do have cats in the yard. But we don’t have statues. No cat statues, no blue statues, no nude statues (sorry, Stuart), no statues, period. Our friend Ben wonders why this search brings readers to Poor Richard’s Almanac. But more to the point, our friend Ben wonders why there are lots of people floating around in the blogosphere searching for blue cat statues at all. It’s sort of spooky, isn’t it? Our friend Ben has visions of a Stepford Wives neighborhood peopled by blue cat statues, one in every yard. If you start to see them springing up near you, please do let us know so we can pack our bags and head to Canada while there’s still time.
Our friend Ben’s favorite, however—perhaps my all-time favorite except for that priceless comment about our hapless friend and blog contributor, Richard Saunders, “Poor Richard will do anything for money” (yes, I’m still laughing)—is this one, bringing to mind as it does so many colorful visuals: “eating too much Amish friendship bread gone wild.” Oh, geez. If you recall Silence Dogood’s unfortunate experience with the escaping Amish friendship batter from her post “Amish friendship bread gone wild,” where the bag of batter kept dragging itself across the kitchen counter and throwing itself on the floor (and yes, this really did happen), the vision this particular search calls forth is worthy of an “I Love Lucy” episode, as the unwitting friendship-bread enthusiast is dragged this way and that by the crazed contents of their repast. I hope this was a hypothetical search rather than the result of someone’s overindulgence. Bad bread! Bad! Bad!!!
Keep ‘em coming, folks! You give us another reason to keep smiling.