Poor Richard’s Almanac

Silence Dogood here. Coming as I do from the land of bland, where all food is basically a bland substrate for butter and salt, I’ve never managed to develop much of a taste for hot peppers. But the same can’t be said of our heat-loving friend and fellow blog contributor, Richard Saunders, and even our friend Ben has acquired a taste for the milder hot peppers, such as jalapenos.

Our friend Ben and I were at Cabela’s last weekend attending the annual Hawk Mountain Art Show. (For those who don’t know, Cabela’s is the mother of all outdoor stores, with hunting, fishing, camping, and cabin goods galore, including, ahem, all sorts of ingenious cooking gadgets.) After enjoying the wildlife-themed paintings, photographs, and sculptures, I drifted up to the cookware section, where I’d found such treasures in the past as a cast-iron cornbread pan that made saguaro-shaped cornbread. (Cabela’s has the most amazing selection of Lodge cast-iron cookware.)

Next, I checked out Cabela’s extensive food-dehydrating supplies, then ambled over to the plastic egg cartons. Designed for campers, these rigid containers not only protect eggs from damage, they also keep them fresh longer. And they even have carrying handles! We use them to store our Hawk’s Haven chicken eggs, and I needed a couple more. I’d always bought the 12-pack size, but I saw that they now had six-packs, too, so I bought a couple of those while I was at it. I figured they’d be great for trips, and would also keep eggs safe when we brought them over to friends’ (we like to hand out six-packs of our very indulged hens’ amazing organic eggs as guest gifts).

OFB was downstairs checking out flannel shirts and jeans, so I took advantage of his absence (for some reason, he gets a bit nervous when I’m looking at cookware) to head over to the cookbook section. I already had most of their drying and canning books, but they had one book that I didn’t have and had never seen: Start Mushrooming: The Easiest Way to Start Collecting 6 Edible Mushrooms, by Stan Tekiela and Karen Shanberg. At $7.95, this was a must-get. In these tough times, taking advantage of nature’s bounty seems like an appealing option. But unless you’re with an expert, foraging for wild mushrooms is something most of us don’t want to take on, unless we’re really ready to put all our worries behind us, permanently. Start Mushrooming showed photos, illustrations, and simple how-to for identifying the six easiest-to-recognize edible wild mushrooms in the U.S., with advice on harvesting and preparation, recipes, and even drying and storage tips. Not to mention a chapter on how to recognize and avoid the bad guys. Needless to say, this book went in the basket with the egg cartons.

I was trying not to get too carried away, so I passed up the numerous rubs, sauces, and seasonings, as well as the salsas, syrups, and soup mixes. (Sigh.) I dragged myself away from the yellow “Golden Retriever at Play” sign enticingly positioned on a nearby pole. Then I saw something I just couldn’t pass up: a stainless steel jalapeno cooker. The Black Gold Jalapeno Pepper Cooker (”100% Dishwasher Safe”*) is an upright rack with 21 round holes in the top. You can set it on your grill or pop it on a tray in the oven. You cut the tops off the jalapenos, core them, wash them, stuff them, and stand each one upright in a hole in the cooker, then grill or bake in the oven at 325 degrees F for an hour (”or until the stuffing is done”). At $10.95, it was a steal. It instantly made its way into the shopping basket.

Even our friend Ben raised no fuss when he saw the jalapeno cooker. (Not so the mushroom book; a great-great-great uncle of his had died after being served a dish of wild mushrooms in a very tony London hotel in the Edwardian era, and it had spooked that branch of his family regarding wild mushrooms ever since.) So I invited Richard and his girlfriend, Bridget, to join us for dinner a few nights later, asked him to bring 21 jalapenos from his many hot pepper plants, and invented a few stuffings to try out.

Donning latex gloves, I sliced the tops off the jalapenos, then used an ingenious device to core them. It was created to cut the tops out of strawberries, but Jim Weaver, the hot-pepper guru of Meadow View Farm in nearby Bowers, PA, immediately recognized its value as a hot-pepper corer and began selling them (for, if memory serves, $3.95) at his farm store. Needless to say, I’d bought one, and now I was thrilled to discover that it earned its keep twice over. First, it neatly scooped out the pith and seeds of each jalapeno with a few quick movements, and then, since it was narrow enough to reach into the peppers, it was perfect for pushing in the stuffing to make sure the peppers were well filled. (If you don’t have one of these gizmos, I suggest using the handle end of a spoon for this.)

I created a trio of stuffings for the jalapenos. For the first seven, I mixed softened lowfat cream cheese with shredded Cheddar and a little Worcestershire sauce. For the next seven, it was a mix of cream cheese and peach salsa. And for the last batch, cream cheese, shredded Swiss, and almond pieces. [Update: Last night, I made another big batch with a new stuffing variation that was greeted with raves by my panel of ravenous jalapeno lovers. I mixed softened lowfat cream (Neufchatel) cheese with what the bag described as "Gourmet Cheddar Mix," basically shredded sharp white and yellow Cheddar (normally I don't use orange-colored cheese, but in this case, I feel that the golden color makes a more appetizing filler than plain white), and then mixed in a pouch of Hidden Valley Fiesta Ranch Dip Mix before filling the jalapenos.] 

Following directions, I pierced the bottom of each jalapeno with a sharp toothpick before stuffing it. Then, since the peppers shrink while cooking, I inserted a toothpick—again following directions—horizontally through each jalapeno about halfway up (after stuffing it) so it wouldn’t fall through its hole and would be easy to pick up once it was cooked. I lined a cookie sheet with foil, since I had a feeling (right again!) that the peppers’ contents would tend to bubble up and over during cooking, then stuck them in the oven to do their stuff.

When I retrieved the finished jalapenos an hour later, the kitchen was filled with the delicious fragrance of roasted jalapeno and cheese, and three hungry vultures were circling anxiously ’round me while I was trying to cook. (Grrrrrrr!!!) No, I didn’t try one. But from the bereft looks of those who did—”What, only seven each?!!”—and the speed with which the peppers disappeared, I have to agree with the creators of the pepper cooker: “Now You Have a Problem: Every time you crank up your grill your friends will demand the Black Gold Jalapeno Peppers for an appetizer. Life is good.”

* For those who, like us, hand-wash dishes, it cleaned up quickly and easily by hand.

        ‘Til next time,

                  Silence