Poor Richard’s Almanac

Silence Dogood here. I decided to spend the Fourth of July doing something that definitely doesn’t come naturally to me: I challenged myself to get through the entire day (and night) without spending any money. I felt that this would be a good way to honor the spirit of such great Founding Fathers as Ben Franklin, the champion of frugality, and George Washington, who eliminated wasteful practices at Mount Vernon so that he could free his slaves at his death, knowing that his family was well provided for and his beloved Mount Vernon could thrive without slave labor. Not to mention all the Founding Mothers for whom frugality was a way of life: Abigail Adams especially springs to mind, as of course does Sally Hemings.

Not spending money is pretty easy if you stay at home and don’t go on tempting sites like Amazon. Not so much if, like us, you have out-of-town relatives staying with you and are determined to show them the sights. First, we went to the Kutztown Farmers’ Market. You know how much I love fresh produce, and there were homegrown sweet cherries and black raspberries—my two favorite fruits—plus peaches, plums, and cantaloupes (all close seconds) screaming “take me, take me!” Thank God I’d already bought blueberries at a farm stand on Friday. There were also gorgeous summer squash, green and yellow wax beans, plump mushrooms, vine-ripened tomatoes, ears of corn, and pickling cukes, all screaming my name. But I’d either bought most of the above at a farm stand or picked it up at my CSA yesterday, so I figured I could eat what I had at home and buy what I was craving the following week.

Rule #1: Delayed gratification really can work wonders: Don’t tell yourself you can’t have [fill-in-the-blank], tell yourself you’ll get it later.

The artisanal breads and homemade Middle Eastern treats like baba ghannouj and hummus were more challenging to resist, but I reminded myself that there’s another farmers’ market in another nearby town tomorrow, and if I really can’t stand it, I can always go over there. Hopefully, come tomorrow, I’ll remember that any bread, no matter how fabulous, supplies calories I don’t need, and there are no Middle Eastern food stands at this particular market. (And hey, didn’t I just read a great recipe for homemade white-bean hummus on Delish.com yesterday morning? I just happen to have a can of cannelini beans in the pantry.)

Rule #2: When it’s something you love, don’t usually make, and that sells for premium prices, check the calorie count, then get on the scale. Maybe you can get some when you’ve lost 5 (or 500) pounds.

It was also hard to resist some handmade  sweet potato-blueberry-apple treats for our puppy Shiloh, but I firmly told the dog-stand owner that Shiloh still had other treats and I wanted to make sure her treats were fresh, so I’d keep these in mind when the others ran out. Whew.

Rule #3: Encouraging local business is important. Never say never. Say soon, and mean it.

Sadly, my non-spending ordeal was far from over, since we then took our guest to Cabela’s in nearby Hamburg, PA, knowing he would love it. While our friend Ben and Dick bought shorts on sale, I was checking out my favorite sections of the store: What I call the “survivalist section,” full of ingenious camping and wilderness survival stuff and packable emergency first-aid supplies, and the cooking section, with so many incredible barbecue sauces, spice mixes, rubs, marinades, and the like, not to mention all kinds of fabulous cooking supplies and cast-iron pots and pans, that it’s enough to make a good cook cry. At least, it’s enough to make you cry if you walk out without so much as a bottle of Jim Beam bourbon whiskey barbecue sauce.

In both these cases, I had to take a very hard stand. I reminded myself that OFB and I were already branded as survivalists as well as Luddites by several of our friends because of my pack-rat tendencies to stock up on emergency supplies. All of which is a hifalutin way of saying that, since I already have all this stuff, can’t I at least refrain from buying even more of it?!! Not to mention that I, Silence Dogood, personally own the largest collection of spices, condiments, and sauces on the East Coast  (professional restaurants excepted). Maybe I can’t buy that Jim Beam barbecue sauce. But I can certainly make a darn good approximation from what I already have on hand!

Rule #4: Repeat after me: If you have it or can make it, you don’t need it.

But what about sparklers? Our friend Ben and I sometimes think that our particular part of Pennsylvania is the sparkler and fireworks capital of the U.S. We could have picked up three packs of sparklers from bazillion local stands for $6, or bought one and gotten one free. We love sparklers and fireworks. But we didn’t buy any, because we already have free sparklers in our backyard in the form of fireflies/lightning bugs, and because we know we’ll be treated to free fireworks tonight when our down-the-road neighbor hosts a professional-quality show that we can see from the comfort of our own lawn chairs.

Rule #5: Borrowed is best, if it’s good and free.   

Did I make it through the day without spending any money? Unfortunately, no. Our friend Ben insisted that I get a second gel pack to stash in the freezer and alternate with our original at night around my foot and ankle, still an appalling two times their normal size almost two weeks after they first puffed up and became excruciatingly painful. By now I’m concerned enough to spring for a $5.99 gel pack. But on the plus side, I found a dime in the parking lot on my way back to the car. A penny saved is a penny earned and all that, right?

Hey. I’m working on it!

Rule #6: When you’re doing the best you can, it’s good enough. End of story.

          ‘Til next time,

                   Silence