A woman’s perfect breakfast. August 23, 2009Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
Tags: breakfast, breakfast food, brunch, great breakfast foods
Silence Dogood here. My friend Dolores just sent me one of those humor e-mails called “a woman’s perfect breakfast.” Of course, it wasn’t really about breakfast at all, but instead featured a series of witty vignettes about the battle of the sexes. Unfortunately, having felt pretty darn sick last night, I didn’t dare have anything to eat today, and now, at 4:30 p.m., I of course fixated on the words “perfect breakfast” to the exclusion of all else.
Aaaahhh, breakfast! Sometimes I think that the best foods ever dreamed of are all breakfast foods. Of course, they’re also loaded with everything we’ve been taught to avoid like the plague, like tons of butter and sugar. No wonder they’re so good! Sadly, I seldom eat breakfast—not being a morning person, I’m just not hungry until 10 o’clock—and even if I’m splurging on the rare diner breakfast or lovely brunch, I can’t possibly eat enough to do it justice. Darn.
However, I can dream. If I were concocting the perfect breakfast, and to hell with the calories, health concerns, and limitations on what I can physically eat, it would consist of some or all of the following:
The Fruit Course
* half a perfectly ripe cantaloupe, with salt to bring out the sweetness
* a big bowl of perfectly presented pink grapefruit segments, no seeds or stringy, bitter pulp
* a bowl of melon balls, including plenty of cantaloupe and seedless watermelon as well as some sweet surprises, with a splash of fresh-squeezed lemon or lime juice
* a luscious fruit salad with mango or peach slices, banana, blueberries, and red raspberries
The Pancake Course
* homemade pancakes, hot off the griddle with real maple syrup; my faves are pecan pancakes with maple syrup and whipped cream
* homemade waffles, also with maple syrup, and made with a waffle iron, none of this wimpy Belgian waffle stuff, those aren’t waffles!
* homemade French toast made with plenty of eggs and cream, dripping with butter, powdered sugar, and maple syrup
* crepes, preferably filled with sour cherries and topped with powdered sugar and whipped cream
The Doughnut Course
* hot-from-the baker Krispy Kremes
* cake doughnuts or crullers
* powdered sugar or cinnamon-coated mini-doughnuts
* hot fresh-made Cinnabons, the best!
*sticky buns, a Pennsylvania regional specialty, especially good when cut in half, grilled, then slathered with whipped butter
* cinnamon-pecan rolls (the kind you buy in an aluminum tray that have millions of rolled layers), covered with pats of butter and heated
* Moravian sugar cake, another regional specialty that’s just delicious when heated and served with melted butter on top
* muffins, also hot from the oven, especially cranberry, cranberry-pecan, blueberry, or corn, with butter or lots of soft cream cheese
The Savory Sides
* grits, the long-cooking kind that are made hot and thick and again drenched in butter and salt, or cheese grits or, best of all, fried grits
* corn cakes, corn-based “pancakes” that are crispy and crackly and unbelievably good, served, of course, with plenty of butter
* hash browns or home fries, cooked until brown and crackly-crunchy but still soft and savory inside
* sweet potato fries, who says they’re not for breakfast?!
The Bread Course
* homemade biscuits, light and fluffy and hot and slathered with butter and honey
* multigrain toast slathered with butter and marmalade or seedless blackberry jam
* croissants hot from the oven, broken open and spread segment by segment with butter and marmalade, jelly, or jam
* that great childhood favorite, cinnamon toast, white bread covered with tons of butter, sugar, and cinnamon, then run under the broiler until the toppings melt
The Egg Course
* two eggs fried hard
* an omelette with plenty of Swiss cheese, onions, and mushrooms, or perhaps with feta cheese, chopped red bell pepper, and basil or chives
* huevos rancheros with sauteed red bell pepper and sweet onion, served with refried beans and fresh-made hot tortillas and topped with scallions (green onions), fresh salsa, shredded white Cheddar, and sour cream
The Meat Course
I’ve been a vegetarian a long time, but some childhood thrills are never to be forgotten, so as long as we’re fantasizing:
* tons of bacon cooked to a perfect crispiness
* hot, spicy sausage patties or links fried until crispy
The Beverage Course
* coffee or tea is a given here, preferably served in huge mugs with plenty of whole milk
* abundant ice water is also essential to dilute the fat, sugar and salt of everything else
* a Mimosa, that combination of orange juice, champagne, a splash of grenadine, an orange slice and a maraschino cherry
Okay, what have I forgotten? I actually love oatmeal (preferably with a little maple syrup and whole milk) and plain yogurt with a sliced banana. These, too, are comfort foods for me. But ooh-la-la, if I could just eat it all! My “perfect breakfast” would be being able to select from all those choices each and every day so I wouldn’t worry about how much of them I could eat—there would always be tomorrow!—and having them brought to me in bed at the very peak of perfection, the exact right temperatures, textures, and ripeness for everything, with today’s paper, please. Talk about the perfect fantasy!
Your turn. What’s your perfect breakfast? Remember, when we’re talking about perfect, the health police have taken a vacation. If you could really eat anything, what would you choose?
‘Til next time,