More blog search bloopers.

Once again, our virtual inbox here at Poor Richard’s Almanac is overflowing with (inadvertently) humorous search phrases that have somehow brought people to our blog. Here are some of the latest and greatest, with, as always, the search phrase in bold, our comments following. Enjoy!

books old ladies like: At a guess, 1,000 Ways to Torture Rude, Impertinent Whippersnappers Who Use Search Phrases Like This.

charm for a good garden: Don’t we all wish we had one of these! Four that spring to mind are the ever-popular four-leaf clover, especially appropriate in a garden setting; a gazing ball, originally designed to divert the Evil Eye from your garden; and a scarab beetle or ladybug (the scarab, aka dung beetle, because it assists in turning dung into garden fertilizer, and the ladybug because she eats garden pests like aphids and whiteflies). Not a charm per se but a harbinger of peace and garden prosperity would be a statue of St. Francis or St. Fiacre, the patron saint of gardeners.

grannies naked in their gardens: What grannies do in their gardens is no business of ours, or yours either, you little pervert. As long as we don’t see them, anyway. Otherwise, we’re going for the “good fences make good neighbors” approach.

clothes to wear for Benjamin Franklin: Where Ben is now, we understand that dazzling white robes are all the mode.

mediums of poor richard: Hey, get your own Ouija board.

growing manzano pepper jelly: And here we thought you had to cook it.

if elephant eats coconut: No doubt there’s a proverb (or at least a cliche) lurking here somewhere. “If elephant eats coconut, no pina coladas”?

what happened to ben and jerry when they: Frankly, we don’t want to know.

celebrate birthday in different face: Now, there’s a thought! This year, we’d like to celebrate our birthdays as Thulsa Doom or Darth Vader, or maybe Christopher Lee as Lord Summerisle (our friend Ben); Galadriel or Nefertiti or Mma Ramotswe (Silence Dogood); and George Washington, Teddy Roosevelt or Jim Chee (Richard Saunders). Just think, you’d never have to worry about anyone telling you how “great” you were looking this particular birthday again!

what to feed your dig: We’re really hoping that would be “dog.” 

There are plenty more where these came from, but that’s enough for now. Some of our most bizarre queries, such as “rhubarb pregnancy” and “where can i view pictures of antique see,” actually end up making sense, once we’ve worked through them and figured out what’s missing. Sure enough, they really are looking for one of our posts! But queries like the ones we’ve featured in this post are not just baffling, they make us wonder what’s happening to our collective IQ. First the dinosaurs, then us, then the cockroaches…

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