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Attila the Hun and other quandaries. July 29, 2010

Posted by ourfriendben in Ben Franklin, wit and wisdom.
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Yes, it’s once again wacky blog search time here at Poor Richard’s Almanac. The search engine phrases that have brought searchers here to us have included some real gems since our last posting on the topic, and of course we’d like to share them with you. As always, original query in bold, our response following:

nobody doubted his genius: Our friend Ben thanks this perceptive person. Shut up, Silence.

do Africans tend to have flat feet: Sorry, we don’t deal in generalizations, unless we’re making them ourselves. We have no idea if Africans have flat feet, but we can say with confidence that our friend Ben has flat feet, and thinks flat feet are great. So what’s your point?!

how not to multiply Amish friendship bread: Hoo, higher math! We’d suggest dividing it, but suspect that simply subtracting it would probably work better.

making fertilization talismans: Please Google Biodynamics; they do it all the time. Otherwise, you might check out “fertility talismans” instead.

poor ben franklin blog: Harrumph! There was nothing poor about Ben Franklin.

how much fun are parakeets? Hey, they put that barrel of monkeys to shame.

see through sliding glasses: Do they come with a secret decoder ring?  

is poison ivy in your throat bad: There’s another Darwin Awards candidate born every minute.

do poinsettia leaves have glitter on them: Of course, and they grow in those delightful silver, white and ice-blue colors, too. We suggest that you buy yours at the Dollar Store; they’ll last a lot longer, too.

why are Irish men considered lucky: Why not ask some Irish women?

full recher almanac: Say what?

was attila the hun a monarch: This one sort of threw us for a loop. Attila has traditionally been known as King of the Scythian Hordes, not to mention Scourge of God (a title bestowed on him by his Roman enemies). But what’s the difference between a king and a monarch, anyway? We’d sort of assumed they were the same, until we were reading a definition that said “a king may or may not have monarchical powers.” Er. We don’t know what monarchical powers are, but given Attila’s long and successful reign of conquest and terror, we suspect that he had them.

That’s it for this batch! But we’re sure we’ll be back with more soon…

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Comments»

1. Jen - July 29, 2010

Wouldn’t it be funny if the same person was doing all these searches? Imagine what they and their house and their poor poison ivy-ridden throat would look like.

Yow, Jen, what a thought! We actually get the poison-ivy-in-the-throat question a lot, and it’s certainly a serious condition; it was the phrasing of it, as in “Gee, would being shot in the head be bad?” that distinguished this query.

2. Steve - July 30, 2010

Why are Irish men so lucky?

Simple!

They have their own school (Notre Dame) where they can learn reedin’, ‘ritin, rithmetic, and beer drinkin…

They learn quickly that red headed women are trouble.

They have a national game where eveyone is given a stick to hit others as their equipment.

They have an excuse to avoid cocktail parties, weddings, dinner, and funerals on over 20% of the Saturdays of the year…ND football games.

They have an annual national holiday/excuse in most countries…St. Patrick’s Day.

They are humored by Ben and Silence.

Need more reasons of how lucky it is to be Irish…I would be glad to oblige.

The only cross we bear is that McCullough (a Scotty boy) is afraid to make a Notre Dame marble…

Ha!!!! Thanks, Steve! With Irish, English, and Scots blood in our own veins, we’ll take all the luck we can get!


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