If Poor Richard had a computer.

Once again, our virtual inbox here at Poor Richard’s Almanac is overflowing with wild and wacky blog searches. They just keep coming, folks, much to our delight. It’s time to clean out the archives and make room for the next arrivals. Here’s this batch for your viewing pleasure. As always, search phrase in bold, our comments following:

best crab cake recipe wonder bread: Talk about oxymoronic! Please keep your Wonder Bread to feed ducks, not eat with crabs. 

rich granny for friendship: Hey, if anybody knows a rich, heirless granny who’s looking for some impoverished bloggers to adopt, please send her our way!

our friend ben software: Say it ain’t so! Or, if it is so, please say that whoever developed it will soon be sending our friend Ben royalties for the use of my name… 

how can you tell if a jade plant is blooming: Try looking at it.

allergic reaction to a stinkbug photo: Even stinkbug-loathing Silence Dogood agrees that having an allergic reaction to a picture of a stinkbug is taking the whole stinkbug thing too far.

amount of squirrels in the u.s. in 2010: We can’t tell this inquisitive reader the, um, amount of squirrels in the U.S. at any time, but there are four fat squirrels in the yard here at Hawk’s Haven right now, and that’s four too many for us.

what are the possible consequences of: This is too delicious. Help us fill in the blank: “of attempting to feed a rhino an apple while tubing down the Nile;” “of tap-dancing in a gorilla costume at the Nobel Prize ceremonies while yodeling and juggling a tray of pies;” “of killing the Sadist who designed skintight bathing suits;” “of collecting a million Happy Meals trinkets.” Really, there are no bad answers.

top white trash desserts of all time: We love this one; it just begs for a blog post of its own. But the short form: There are the white trash desserts that sound totally disgusting but taste really, really good, and then there are the white trash desserts that taste as bad as they sound. We would tend to list chocolate icebox pie, those unbaked chocolate- and peanut butter-oatmeal whatzits, and GooGoo Cluster Supremes in the former category, and Ritz pie, anything involving marshmallows, sweetened condensed milk, and/or Jello, and Moonpies in the latter.

if poor richard had a computer: Now, see here: We here at Poor Richard’s Almanac do have, and love, our trusty laptops. As bloggers, writers, editors, and educators, we would be lost without them. Whether we can actually type, however, is quite another matter…

That’s it for this batch. We hope you enjoyed them as much as we did!

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