My poor hair. June 29, 2011Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
Tags: bad haircuts, blog humor, Dilbert
Silence Dogood here. I’ve worn my hair long all my life, except for eighth grade, when my mother for some reason decided that I should cut it all off. (I was eventually able to forgive her.)
But two weeks ago, the little local salon our friend Ben and I patronize was having a half-off sale on cuts, and I thought it would be a good idea to cut back to really healthy hair. So I had OFB drop me off en route to running a few errands and asked the stylist to cut it so that it just cleared my shoulders. I thought this would be a radical change. Little did I know.
Unfortunately, the stylist, who’d never before done more than trim the ends of my hair, failed to grasp its essential nature. Being very fine, the strands are weightless. And they have a great deal of body, which becomes more apparent the shorter they are, since then absolutely nothing is weighing them down. Everyone who cuts my hair is aware of the natural wave, but no one in my adult life has witnessed the sight that greeted me and the stylist when I looked in the mirror and saw a mass of hair curling at chin, not shoulder, level.
“Uh, I think your hair looks really cute short!” the stylist announced, recovering quickly.
Not so OFB when he came to pick me up.
“GAAAHHH!!! What’s happened to your hair?!!”
“I mean, uh, it must be a lot, um, cooler now. Say… it reminds me of the character Alice in ‘Dilbert’!”
I tried to forewarn our friends before OFB and I showed up for our next supper get-together, but even forewarned, they couldn’t manage to bear in mind that useful maxim, “The alternative to the truth is silence.”
“Your hair… There’s this character in the ‘Dilbert’ cartoon strip, I can’t think of her name, do you know her?”
Somehow both my friends and OFB are still alive… so far. But the ice is definitely getting thinner, especially for OFB, who greets me every morning with endearing comments like these:
“Ever considered becoming a major composer? I think I’ll start calling you Ludwig.”
“Have you ever seen a picture of Homer Simpson’s sisters-in-law?”
Meanwhile, I’m trying to focus on one of my hair’s good points: It grows really fast. Maybe by fall this will all be behind me.
‘Til next time,