Stinkbugs: The final solution. April 6, 2011Posted by ourfriendben in critters, wit and wisdom.
Tags: blog humor, edible bugs, edible insects, food trends, stinkbugs
Silence Dogood here. As longtime readers know, I hate stinkbugs the way vegetarians hate the current crop of offal-loving chefs, and vice-versa. So far this year, I’ve already had to throw three stinkbugs out the door and toss three more deceased stinkbugs into the trash. And the season’s just beginning. If, like me, you’re not the spray ’em/stomp on ’em type, you need something to help you banish the evil beasties.
Fortunately, help is at hand, in the form of a growing trend, edible insects. Now, in many countries, insects are considered a delicacy. Take the witchetty grub of Australia or the mopane worm of Botswana. Chocolate-covered crickets, grasshoppers, and ants have been marketed here in the U.S. But most of us have yet to warm up to the idea of feeding canned or dehydrated mealworms, fly larvae, and ants to our outdoor birds, much less snack on them ourselves.
Years ago, our local paper featured an article about edible insects, including a full-color photo of a pizza with, not pepperoni and sausage, but tarantulas and cockroaches. I decided on the spot that this was the ultimate diet tool, especially for pizza-lovers like myself: Just clip the photo, put it on your fridge door, and you’d never, ever, want to eat again.
These days, the trend seems to be eating the most bizarre foods on earth (example: Tony Bourdain consuming the still-beating heart of a cobra on his TV show). U.S. food celebrities travel around the world to eat dogs, sheep eyeballs, and the like. This trend coupled with the growing recognition of how much it really costs the planet to produce beef, pork, and other sources of meat has resulted in a marriage as unnatural as that of the Sting/Jennifer Beales union in “The Bride” [of Frankenstein]: Locavores have concluded that eating insects is the best way to reduce our outsized planetary consumption and carbon footprint.
Now, it seems to me that it might occur to some of these self-righteous idiots that adopting a vegetarian diet would accomplish this goal without forcing people to eat bugs. But noooo. Must have, must eat meat, even if it’s in the form of maggots or roaches, or, say, tarantulas.
Well, alrighty then. If morons who insist that animal-based protein is the sole source of life, and who want to consume locally-produced foods, choose to eat insects, so be it. Chow down, guys! Check out today’s article, “Bugs. It’s what’s for dinner?” online at Yahoo.com, about enthusiastic insectavores attempting to spread the gospel of bug-eating as a way to get that all-important animal-based protein in your diet without paying for beef, chicken, pork, and etc. There’s just one problem: Your “popcorn” katydids, grasshoppers, crickets, and etc. can go for more than $90 per pound, and they’re all imported from abroad.
Gee. Somehow, this seems like the antithesis of buying locally-grown, reasonably priced produce that requires no expensive shipping and is organic and wholesome. Instead, let’s go for the exotic imported bugs to make a point! By eating them, we’re so much more moral than you.
I guess there’s no point in showing that a vegetarian diet can support our planet, our health, and our local producers. Hey, it’s not trendy like eating bugs or offal! But maybe there’s an upside here after all. Maybe these trendy bug-eaters could add stinkbugs to their diets! Oh, please, won’t you people come down and visit us here at Hawk’s Haven? I’m sure we’ll have plenty of stinkbugs for your next TV competition…
‘Til next time,