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When Isaac Newton met Chicken Little. May 26, 2011

Posted by ourfriendben in chickens, wit and wisdom.
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It’s once again wacky blog search time here at Poor Richard’s Almanac. Wild, weird, and wonderful search engine phrases have been pouring in over the virtual transom, so we decided to take a few moments to share the “best of the worst” with you. This batch was pretty chicken-intensive. As always, query in bold, our comments following. Enjoy!

did an apple fall on chicken littles head: We’ll admit it, we loved this one. Just picture it, the shortest story ever told: “An apple fell on Chicken Little’s head. The end.” That would have been an acorn. An apple fell on Sir Isaac Newton’s head, leading him to propose the existence of gravity. Or so the story goes.

lazy slob: Our friend Ben cannot imagine why this particular query ended up on our blog, but I resemble that remark.

reviving old popcorn: If CPR doesn’t do the trick, you’d better just give up and make the funeral arrangements.

untrue facts about pirates: We get versions of this one all the time. Could we just point out that “untrue” and “facts” are not words that go together!

poor fried rice: Awww. Let’s hope it didn’t feel a thing.

quinoa for chicken feed: At the going price for quinoa, might as well just feed ’em steak and get it over with.

101 uses for kudzu: Well, you can eat it, you can make baskets out of it, and you can turn it into paper. That’s three. Your turn to come up with the remaining 98.

free range house chickens with diapers: Again, we’re faced with colliding concepts: “free range” and “house chickens.” As for the diapers, we’d recommend litterbox-training them instead, a tidier option for all concerned. If bunnies can be litterbox-trained (which they can), it should be doable for chickens. But we’re ignoring the proverbial elephant here: Why are chickens running all over your house?! 

what do elderly people teach us: That plastic surgery can only take you so far? God preserve Grandpa and Grandma from people who find it necessary to ask questions like this!

do chickens get poison ivy: Um, we don’t think so. But we’re not planning to feed ours any just in case.

good luck charms for your yard: For some reason, diaperless, poison-ivy-free chickens spring to mind. Or maybe a talisman to ward off kudzu and poison ivy. We’ve heard for an untrue fact that pieces of eight touched by pirates will work all sorts of landscape miracles if you bury them on your property. Just be sure to make a treasure map and send us a copy.

obscure plants: This one’s so classic, we’ve bruised our brains trying to come up with the line of reasoning that would have caused someone to pose such a totally vague (not to say obscure) query. Kudzu and poison ivy clearly don’t qualify, but after reviewing every plant we know, we’ve decided that the winner is Paphiopedilum ‘Dragon Bronze Elly’. To our knowledge, only one specimen exists, and that’s assuming it’s still alive. Happy now?

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