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We’ll pass on the pie, thanks. October 5, 2011

Posted by ourfriendben in Uncategorized, wit and wisdom.
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Silence Dogood here. Our friend Ben and I, coming from the land of cobblers, have never been huge fans of pie, unless, of course, you mean pecan, chess, banana cream pie, or chocolate icebox pie. We’ve managed to expand our enthusiasm over the years to embrace sour cherry pie, coconut custard pie, rhubarb pie, and that yummy brownie-and-bourbon-based concoction that usually goes by something like Kentucky Derby pie. But we really don’t consider ourselves pie people, and seldom have more than one or two slices of pie in any given year. (Unless, of course, some generous soul presents us with one of the above.)

There is one notable exception, however: caramel apple pie. Made with Granny Smith apples in a shortbread crust and loaded with buttery caramel, this is one dessert to live for. (We hesitate to suggest that any dessert is worth dying for.) Fortunately, alert retailers and restaurants have noticed that a few million people besides me and our friend Ben are addicted to this pie, so you often see it turn up on restaurant menus and in bakeries. To my knowledge, it doesn’t really cost more than a good cheesecake.

So sticker shock set in in a big way when I opened the latest copy of the Stonewall Kitchen catalogue this morning and saw that you could buy a “caramel apple granny pie” from them for only $72.95 plus $10 shipping plus (in our case, living as we do in scenic PA) 6% sales tax on both the pie and the shipping. Correct me if I’m wrong, but my calculator says this adds up to $87.93 for a pie that serves 7 normal people or 14 skimpy eaters, the number suggested by Stonewall Kitchen (who show photos of the tiny 14-person serving, dwarfed by the fork).

Just to be clear, I love Stonewall Kitchen (www.stonewallkitchen.com). It makes great foods, and we’ve enjoyed them here at Hawk’s Haven for many years. I’ve requested gifts from the Stonewall Kitchen catalogue on many occasions. But a $90 pie?!! Spare me, please.

Determined to see what others were selling this pie for, I turned to Amazon and Google. No dice. The caramel apple pies and caramel apple cheesecakes I found online bore zero resemblance to the Stonewall Kitchen caramel apple pie, which is the restaurant classic. Grrrr. Oh, well, I was headed into town anyway; surely my local grocery would have one in their bakery section or (shudder) in the frozen desserts aisle. Nope.

Yikes! I hate not having data to back me up. But surely this pie wouldn’t be such a restaurant staple if it cost that much to make! Of course, I’m sure the Stonewall Kitchen version is simply luscious. But the day when I spend $90 for a pie, when that money would keep me and our friend Ben in groceries or treat us to three couples dinners out, will see subzero temperatures in Hell. OFB loves my sauteed caramelized apples served warm over vanilla ice cream, and the total cost is less than $5 for  two. Now, that’s more like it.

                ‘Til next time,

                               Silence

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