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Where’s my MacArthur award?! October 2, 2012

Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
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Our friend Ben was crushed to see that, for yet another year, I failed to win a MacArthur fellowship (better known as “genius awards”). Silence Dogood gleefully showed me the list of winners in today’s paper. (She’s always giving me grief about my not-so-secret hopes of an award.)

The good thing about the awards is that each winner receives $500,000 with no strings attached. The bad thing is that you can’t simply apply for a fellowship; you must be nominated by a secret panel, and nobody knows who or where these people are. For all you know, the pizza delivery boy could be a nominator; so could the engineer in the next cubicle or the dentist who’s cleaning your teeth. This makes it rather challenging to get yourself nominated, but at least it’s an excellent incentive to be really nice to everyone you interact with.

Winners are chosen from all walks of life; this year was pretty heavy on musicians. But one winner specialized in something that really caught our friend Ben’s attention: the study of how fluids move in the human body, and how that movement could affect disease.

Our friend Ben has been pondering this ever since I was told that in a given day, the kidneys could move up and down by as much as six inches. We tend to think of our bodies as solid, but we’re more like a sack of fluid with organs suspended in it. And of course, fluid by its definition moves. We all know our blood circulates, but I think it would be fascinating to know how fluid moves through the rest of us. This was one MacArthur Fellow whose award I didn’t envy!

But please, nominators, wherever you are, let’s try to prove Silence wrong in 2013 and give our friend Ben an award! I don’t know how much more of her sarcasm I can take.

Comments»

1. narf77 - October 2, 2012

The kidneys move up and down you say?…hmmm…maybe the reason why musicians were predominate in the awards was because certain types of music are the reason for said kidneys elevated and declination state? Perhaps (and this is only theory at the moment until they give me my $500 000 when I WILL use it for research and most definately WON’T head to the Bahama’s for a well earned holiday…) certain types of music can cause the kidneys to constrict and dilate almost as if they were “dancing” to said music? I think we might be onto something here! I think if we collaberated we might be able to ace the $500 000 next year! (MAN I need that holiday…er…”research project” ;))

Ha! Dancing kidneys! Well, that theory surely qualifies you for a MacArthur, Fran! And the beauty of the awards is that you’re free to go to the Bahamas or whatever you want to do with the money: NO strings attached! In a way it’s more like a reward for great achievement than a grant.


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