A weighty issue. January 7, 2013Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
Tags: blog humor, Honey Boo Boo, obesity, obesity crisis, overweight, overweight kilograms
Silence Dogood here. I’ll bet you’re as sick as I am of reading and hearing constantly about our obesity crisis, where it appears that just by breathing we’re magically packing on pounds, and the only sure way to keep weight off is to opt for the terminal solution. (It’s hard to gain weight when you’re dead.)
So today I was astonished to see two sides of the weight-gain spectrum on the Yahoo! home page. Our friend Ben and I don’t get the cable stations and don’t watch the few stations we do get, so I’ve been bemused by the Honey Boo Boo phenomenon. What’s that, a teddy bear? The next (shudder) Barney? And why would anyone care?
I was astounded to see a photo of Honey Boo Boo, a fat little girl, with her enormously fat mother. It turned out to be yet another reality TV show. I’m still not sure what it’s about, or how it came to be to begin with, but I have to assume people watch Honey and her Mama because they’re so grotesquely fat. It’s a form of fat rubbernecking. Yikes!
In the science headlines lurked the other weight-related headline: Even the kilogram is gaining weight. Say what?! If an abstract unit of measure is packing on the pounds, what hope is there for us poor flesh-and-blood mortals? The article explained that 40 platinum and platinum-iridium cylinders, each weighing precisely a kilogram (2.2 pounds), were distributed to the countries that embraced the metric standard in the 1880s so there would be a gold (or in this case, platinum) weight standard across the scientific community.
Unfortunately, over the years, the cylinders, despite being enclosed in glass, have apparently put on weight. Now not only does no single cylinder weigh exactly a kilogram, but each weighs a slightly different amount due to carbon and mercury contamination. These plus-sized cylinders may not really have gained enough weight to be visible to the human eye, but the scale doesn’t lie, and the point is that, in science, precision determines results. Fortunately, the cylinders can be stripped of their excess flab with a simple UV treatment. Unlike us, they don’t have to enroll in boot camp, go on crash diets, endure bariatric surgery, or compete on “The Biggest Loser.”
So, scientists, the million-dollar question: When will you devise a UV treatment that strips off our excess pounds?! The world is waiting…
‘Til next time,