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Luddites, look out. April 10, 2014

Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
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It’s not a coincidence that our friend Ben and Silence Dogood call ourselves Luddites, technophobes who have no interest whatever in technology for its own sake. We think technology should serve us—flip the switch, hit the button, voila! whatever it is is up and running—rather than that we should have to serve it by constantly learning new programs and the like.

So when Microsoft announced that it would no longer support its Windows XP system, which we both use, we were rattled. We also easily saw through all the smoke Microsoft was pouring out about why it was going to stop supporting the most widely used computing system in the world. Obviously, it had failed to discover any way to continue making money from it. By forcing everyone to switch to its newest system, Windows 8.1, or even Windows 8 or Windows 7, it stands to make a great deal of money. Simple as that. Pigs!!!

Silence and I live and die by our computers, so we took our laptops in to our local “computer wizards” to be cleaned up and fitted with the best antivirus and antimalware software and the best cleaner. We also got a new laptop capable of powering (and fitted with) Windows 7, as everything we’ve heard about Windows 8 has been horrible. (Windows 9, coming out in September, is supposed to be good, but that’s a 5-month wait after support for Windows XP has been discontinued. Thanks, Microsoft.) Anyway, for safety’s sake, we recommend that our fellow Luddites upgrade to Windows 7 and install strong antivirus, antimalware, and cleanup software ASAP.

Then there’s the bleedingheart bug, which has apparently infected literally millions of websites, including our own e-mail site, Yahoo. (Thank God sites like Google, Wikipedia and Amazon, which we also use regularly, are supposedly safe.) What this means is that ordering anything online is extremely unsafe, as is posting any personal or financial data, i.e. paying bills or banking online. Being Luddites, we still file our taxes on paper, so I’m not sure what this means for the millions who file electronically through services like TurboTax.

What’s a Luddite to do? Well, we were planning to order a butterfly bush named after our beloved golden retriever, Molly, to plant over her grave. The website offering the butterfly bush, ‘Miss Molly,’ was giving a special discount to customers who ordered online this week. In light of the bleedingheart bug, we guess we’ll skip the online discount, call the nursery, and pay full price. We’d rather get a discount, but not if it means compromising our security.

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