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Annoying advertising. January 18, 2015

Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
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Our friend Ben remembers the first time it happened. I was reading an e-mail, and the end of the e-mail said “Sent from my iPhone.” What the bleep? Who cared where it was sent from? “Sent from my iPhone” had absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the message. I’d never seen such a bizarre, inexplicable message.

From that point on, every message from that guy ended with “Sent from my iPhone,” as though it were a common sign-off like “See ya.” The subject didn’t matter at all: “I was in a wreck and broke both legs. Sent from my iPhone.” Worse, more and more people began e-mailing us and finishing with “Sent from my iPhone.” Did they want to make sure that everyone knew that they had an iPhone?

It was only when we also began getting e-mails that ended with “Sent from my Android” and every other brand on earth that I realized that this was yet another annoying ad. And despite the word “my,” the senders were probably unaware of its even being on their messages, while hapless recipients like our friend Ben were being forced to read it over and over.

I have one thing to say to you money-bloated smartphone corporations: Target your marketing to your audience, for whom every latest version, every latest app, is greeted with the same breathless anticipation as a new season of “Game of Thrones.” And leave the rest of us alone.

Sent from my SmartBrain

Another great quote (from the days when people believed them). January 15, 2015

Posted by ourfriendben in Ben Franklin, wit and wisdom.
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Which Founding Father said:

“I would rather die standing than live on my knees!”

Was it the fiery Sam Adams or speech-making genius Patrick Henry? The visionary Ben Franklin, or Thomas Paine, whose power with the pen kept the troops from deserting Washington? The brilliant Alexander Hamilton, boy genius from the tropics? Or perhaps Washington, Jefferson, or Madison themselves?

It certainly sounds like a Founding Father quote: big, noble, and brief (thus, memorable). But it isn’t. The man who said those words was Emiliano Zapata.

What a quote, so stirring! We’ve now heard it attributed to the owner of the satirical French newspaper Charlie Hebdo before the magazine was attacked by extremists. Maybe it was simply one of his favorites. Whatever the case, it would be nice to take the time to think about how you could stand for your principles without having to die for them.

Seal those cracks. January 2, 2015

Posted by ourfriendben in homesteading, wit and wisdom.
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I don’t know if you’re like us, but every winter, once it gets cold and dry, we get the most painful, bleeding cracks on the sides of our fingernails and our heels. Ouch!!! These cracks aren’t big, but they hurt so much, and make it almost impossible to do the simplest tasks, like fastening a curtain (or anything else, for that matter). Seeing your bedroom slipper stained with blood isn’t fun either.

What to do? After extensive research, we have to give our recommendation to O’Keeffe’s Working Hands. The top says “For Hands & Feet That Crack & Split” and “The LEADING Skin Therapy For People Who WORK With Their HANDS.” (O’Keeffe’s also makes a tub of cream just for feet, but we find that, as advertised, Working Hands is great for both hands and feet.) You need to apply a minuscule amount a few times a day, rub it in, and enjoy the relief. After about three days, it will have worked its magic, and you can put the little tub away until the next episode.

If you have this problem, try Working Hands! We found our first tub at a local hardware store, but we think Tractor Supply also carries it. Check it out online and see where it’s offered near you. It’s probably on Amazon as well. And it’s both affordable and long-lasting: We bought a second tub as backup but are still on our first, years later.

Perfect pomegranate cocktails. December 30, 2014

Posted by ourfriendben in recipes, wit and wisdom.
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Silence Dogood here. You’ve heard that pomegranates, pomegranate juice, basically pomegranate everything is good for you, right? So it had to only be a matter of time before someone developed a pomegranate liqueur. Our friend Ben and I discovered this on Christmas Eve, when we’d been invited to celebrate with good friends and our hostess surprised us with a Christmas present—a bottle of Pama.

When we opened the bottle, we immediately noticed the heavenly fragrance and brilliant red color. We could tell from the smell that this was going to be sweet—way too sweet to drink on its own. (For us, anyway.) We needed something bitter to tone it down, and bubbly to cut the syrupy texture. Mandarin orange sparkling water to the rescue! The chilled, carbonated water was exactly what the Pama needed. (Think a goblet of 1/8 Pama to 7/8 sparkling water.) Beautiful red holiday color and light, effervescent texture!

If you’d like something a bit sweeter, you could swap out Martini Asti or Yellowtail White Bubbles for the sparkling water in the same proportion. (Or whatever pleases you!) There are more recipes with the bottle, and no doubt still more online. What a great way to celebrate the New Year, with this simple cocktail! Perhaps adding some pomegranate seeds and an orange slice would be the perfect finishing touch.

‘Til next time,

Silence

Is the bell still ringing ’round your house? December 23, 2014

Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
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To paraphrase the two gentlemen who accosted Scrooge on Christmas Eve in Charles Dickens’s beloved A Christmas Carol, at this festive season of the year, the poor feel want more keenly as the cold bites hard and the well-to-do rejoice. Our friend Ben and Silence Dogood love the scene in the musical “Scrooge” where you see poor Bob Cratchit trying to pull together Christmas for his impoverished family against a backdrop of well-to-do Victorians and what they’re able to buy. It would be enough to give even a Scrooge, as Mrs. Cratchit points out, a piece of her mind to think about.

The great divide between the rich and poor in the Victorian era was as great as our own today, but there was a difference: The Scrooges of the past didn’t have to see the poor unless they wanted to. They were shut away in workhouses and poorhouses and coal mines and factories, the Oliver Twists (another great Dickens creation) of the world. Deprivation and dirt were ways of life. (Katniss Everdeen of “The Hunger Games” lives this kind of life at home in District 12.)

Today, the poor aren’t kept away from us. We see them shopping at Wal*Mart or eating a Big Mac, painting their nails and using their electronics just like us. They don’t look thin or hungry—cheap but filling convenience-store food usually makes sure of that—unless they’re homeless, and they’re certainly not begging.

But that doesn’t mean they’re not suffering. Just this week, we read about a grandmother who was caught trying to shoplift a carton of eggs to feed her multigenerational household because the carton cost $1.75 and she only had $1.25 and was desperate. (The policeman called to the scene bought her the eggs, and she tried to give him the $1.25. In the ultimate happy ending scenario, she wasn’t charged and the townspeople started sending in food for her family and other needy people in their area.) Also this week, we read about families who had to choose between food and health care every month.

Pope Francis is building baths in one wing of the Vatican so the poor and homeless can take regular baths and feel better about themselves. And the soup kitchens and rescue missions are as busy as ever, while the rest of us have been documented throwing out an ungodly amount of food—48%, if memory serves—not even bothering to compost it or, say, feed it to the chickens or earthworms. Our friend Ben is sure Pope Francis’s favorite birthday present this year was the massive amount of meat a Spanish meat organization donated for distribution to the poor in his name.

Getting back to the point of this post, for many years around this time, everywhere our friend Ben and Silence went, we would encounter the jolly Santa and the black Salvation Army kettle, his bell ringing furiously as he doubtless froze to death. In front of one local pharmacy, Santa had been replaced by caroling kids. Whatever the size of our offering, we were always happy to give. But for the past three or so years, the black kettles and their tenders have been gone. Whatever happened to them?

We used to have a thriving Goodwill in the shopping mall in the closest little town to us. It was always packed with people, most of whom appeared to be buying clothes, shoes, toys, and the like for their families, most of whom were poor, most of whom spoke a language other than English. Our friend Ben and Silence Dogood loved the Goodwill—going there was like treasure-hunting, you never knew what you’d find—and, as noted, it was as crowded as Cabela’s, a godsend for people for whom Wal*Mart was a luxury. A thriving business. Then one day, it was gone. We were horrified, but what must the people who depended on it to clothe and entertain their children think?

Just yesterday, we went to drop off some clothes at one of those drop-boxes in a pharmacy parking lot, only to find that it, too, was gone, and nobody seemed to know where another one was. Why and where had it gone?

In areas where just getting from one place to another is an issue if you don’t have a car, having stores like Goodwill just pack up and leave is a real hardship. For those of us who’d like to bring a little warmth and good cheer to those in want during the Christmas season, failing to find Santa with his bell and black kettle on every corner is really demoralizing.

If the bell’s still ringing ’round your house, please give to keep it going. For us, it’s one of the happiest sounds of Christmas.

And please, don’t waste food this year while others are going hungry!

Shiny hair at home. December 3, 2014

Posted by ourfriendben in homesteading, wit and wisdom.
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Silence Dogood here. I was just reading an article on how to protect your hair from drying, brittleness, and a lifeless look now that winter is sucking humidity out of your home and your home’s heating system is making the situation worse.

Their experts suggested making an infusion of vinegar, fresh mint leaves, fresh rosemary, and lavender, then pouring boiling water over it and letting it steep. Once it had reached room temperature, you were supposed to strain it, then pour it over your hair after shampooing, work it in, and then rinse it out with COLD water.

No, thank you. It’s horrible enough to get into the shower when it’s cold, without pouring COLD water over your head. I expect this would certainly add shine, since the vinegar would strip off dulling residue, and the herbs would add a nice fragrance. But it seems like a lot of trouble to go to for one shampooing (the recipe makes enough for one use). And did I mention the COLD water?!

Fortunately, when I was in grad school, a Pakistani friend taught me a simple secret for healthy, shiny, hydrated hair, one I’ve never forgotten. She put plain yogurt on her hair about a half-hour before her shower, worked it in, then wrapped her hair in a warm towel. (Easy enough to warm a towel by tossing it in the dryer for a few minutes, and oh, the luxury! Not to mention that the heat will help open your hair’s pores so the treatment will be more effective.) When it was time to shower, she took off the towel and shampooed as usual. The result? Beautiful, healthy hair.

These days, I’d use plain, full-fat Greek yogurt if I were doing this, since the yogurt’s already been drained of whey—no fuss, no muss—and the full-fat content will add more shine to your hair. You won’t be racking up bills, either, since you can use half a single-serving carton and the other half will keep perfectly in the fridge until you’re ready to use it. (Depending on how long or short, thick or thin your hair is, you might even be able to get away with 1/3 single-serving carton per use.) And don’t forget to heat your towel! Your hair—and cold body—will thank you.

‘Til next time,

Silence

Saving money on cheese. December 1, 2014

Posted by ourfriendben in homesteading, wit and wisdom.
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Silence Dogood here. This morning, I was reading an article from Cook’s Illustrated comparing different brands of artisanal Cheddars. They were trying to see if they could find something that compared to a real English Cheddar, with a bite and a flaky texture, rather than those rubbery blocks of plastic-wrapped Cheddar we’re used to picking up in the dairy aisle. A Cheddar, in other words, that you could eat with crackers, fruit, crudites, or even ploughman’s lunch.

The problem with many of these artisanal Cheddars is that they can cost up to $25 a pound (not including shipping) and are often only available regionally, and not in groceries even where they are regional. (The one exception seemed to be a Cabot super-sharp white Cheddar, which the Cook’s Illustrated staff thought was the best grocery-store Cheddar.) The cheeses have another problem as far as I’m concerned: Many are aged in lard-soaked cloth, a definite no if you’re vegetarian like me.

So what do you do if you’re not up for shelling out $25 for a block of Cheddar and still want a flaky eating Cheddar that tastes great out of hand? I say, buy Asiago instead. Nothing beats an aged Asiago cut straight from the wheel at the cheese stand, but a mellow Asiago from the grocery (I believe the Cook’s Illustrated folks voted for Bel Gioioso the last time they compared grocery-store Asiagos, but please don’t quote me on that) will beat any grocery Cheddar hands down. Its delicious sharp but nutty flavor and flaky (but never crumbly) texture makes it a perfect accompaniment for dried and fresh fruit and nuts. Yum!

My fallbacks here are Black Diamond Cheddar (on the pricey side) and Cracker Barrel Reserve (in the black wrapper), which has great Cheddar flavor but that inescapable rubbery texture. When I was a child, before Kraft bought the Cracker Barrel cheese brand, my grandfather loved to buy his favorite, that day’s equivalent to Cracker Barrel Reserve. It was called Coon Cheese and featured a raccoon on the package, and we would eat it with apples. Ah, the good life! There was an even sharper Cracker Barrel cheese called Rat Trap, which was sold on the store shelves along with all the other Cheddars. My grandfather loved that, too (and it was quite good), but when Kraft bought the brand Rat Trap vanished. I guess their marketing department didn’t approve!

I’ve found that it’s easy enough to save money on Swiss cheese as well. Our favorite Swiss is Jarlsberg, with its smooth texture and rich, nutty flavor. It’s so delicious sliced and served on flatbread crackers with grapes, hazelnuts or almonds, and dried fruit like apricots and cranberries. (I prefer Swiss on crackers, unlike Cheddar, which I enjoy eating out of hand. Maybe it’s because those flatbread crackers, like Rye Crisps, add a satisfying crunch to complement the creaminess of the cheese.) But nobody ever said Jarlsberg was cheap! A chunk of it can eat a chunk out of your grocery budget.

What to do now? Easy. This time, Kraft has come through. I don’t know if it’s because the creamy texture of Swiss neutralizes the plastic packaging, but I’ve found that a block of Cracker Barrel Baby Swiss makes a perfectly good eating Swiss, and you can often find it on sale. You’re not going to end end up eating Jarlsberg, but you will be eating a nice table Swiss to enjoy with crackers, fresh and dried fruit, and nuts. You’ll enhance the experience if you add a little salt—but just a little sprinkle—over the cheese. And you will be saving lots of money while still enjoying Swiss cheese rather than something that tastes like stretchy plastic.

If you have other tips for saving money on cheese—but please, no tips about freezing cheese—please let us know!

‘Til next time,

Silence

Matthew, Mark, George and Ringo. November 10, 2014

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A friend who teaches philosophy at a local community college recently told our friend Ben that he’d asked his class who the current Pope was. Not one hand went up, even though Pope Francis is the most popular Pope of the era, or at least the one with the most media coverage. But let’s give the kids a break: Not everyone is Catholic, after all. Could you name the pastors of the megachurches if you weren’t Evangelical, or name the head of the Anglican Communion if you weren’t Episcopal?

But then, he asked them—a class who identified as Christians—who had written the four Gospels. Again, no hands went up. This is pretty bad, even shocking, to a generation who grew up reciting “Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, bless the bed I lie upon” every night. It’s one thing to ask a class to name the members of the Beatles, or the Monkees, or even Led Zeppelin, a generation or two out. Why would they know or care? But the Gospel writers?! Sheesh.

Get out there and vote. November 4, 2014

Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
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We know these “midterm elections” aren’t exactly thrilling. A friend who volunteers at a polling station every election year tells us the place is almost deserted unless it’s a presidential election. But what happens today will determine who controls the Senate for the next four years, whether your governor is a Republican or Democrat (as is the case here in scenic PA), whether three states legalize medical marijuana. And that’s just the beginning.

So no, a president isn’t being elected tonight. But a lot of very important things are going on, things that could change your life for better or worse. Whatever your party affiliation—Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Independent—the polls are open ’til 7. Please stop on the way home and cast your vote. Some of these races are so close that your vote will really make a difference.

Harvest time. October 28, 2014

Posted by ourfriendben in chickens, gardening, homesteading, wit and wisdom.
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Silnce Dogood here. It’s a mild October day, and normally I’d be sitting out on our back deck listening to the corn talk. (The farmers in front and in back of our little cottage here in the middle of nowhere, PA, grow corn, and once it gets tall and dries out, it “talks” with every slightest breeze.) Today, however, I’m hiding in the house.

That’s because the farmers are harvesting the corn behind the house. There’s a terrible noise, and every few minutes a rhino-like, John-Deere-green creature passes in front of our deck doors, bellowing and presumably cutting down corn. This of course isn’t corn on the cob, it’s dried corn and cornstalks to make silage and sustain their milk cows through the winter.

I wonder what our poor chickens make of all this. This will be their first winter, and they love the dried corn in their scratch grains, but I doubt that they’re loving the racket that machine is making. People always tell you that country living is quiet and peaceful, but apparently they forget about the machines.

It’s something to keep in mind if you’re thinking about a move. Not to mention all the toxic herbicides, pesticides, fertilizers, and so on. There are plenty of upsides—we have lots of great deck-sitting days—but downsides too. Days we see toxic bubbles from farm chemicals in our stream and wonder if our well water is drinkable. Days we can’t breathe outside because of chemical application. How wonderful to live surrounded by organic farms!

‘Til next time,

Silence

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