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Blog searches go berserk. March 11, 2010

Posted by ourfriendben in chickens, gardening, homesteading, wit and wisdom.
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5 comments

Typically, we like to space out our posts on the spaced-out blog searches we receive here at Poor Richard’s Almanac, but we’ve recently been inundated with such classics that we just had to share some with you. (If they keep showing up at this rate, we may have to make it a weekly feature.) We’re able to see the search-engine terms that bring folks to our blog courtesy of our blog host, WordPress, which also lets us see how many searches have come in for a given phrase. Thanks, WordPress!

So here we go, their search (in bold) and the response we’d love to give them:

causes for decline in ice cream: Uh, anybody else notice this?

how much chicken manure should I add for: We’re trying not to link this to the previous query. (Trying… gasp… aaauughhh… ) Whew. It’s not easy resisting temptation. Moving on to trying to be our usual helpful selves: For balanced, quick-cooking compost, try one part chicken manure (which is very high-nitrogen) to three to five parts straw, leaves, shredded paper, or other high-carbon material. Because of its high nitrogen content, we don’t recommend using chicken manure to make manure tea* unless you really dilute it, as in half a trowelful per 5 gallons of water. Don’t want to burn those plants! We prefer to mix it with straw and shredded paper and use the resulting mix on our raised beds, where it acts as both mulch and fertilizer. (The other benefit of mixing chicken manure with straw, etc., is that it doesn’t smell. We can only imagine the aroma of a ripe bucket of chicken-manure tea!) 

pure richard’s almanac: Why, thank you.

money is the rude of all evil: You can say that again.

jerman woman friend ship me but iam poor: See search phrase above. And anyway, we don’t want to hear about it.

opposed Amish friendship bread: This is the first time we’ve heard of a baked good taking a stand against anything. Though, come to think of it, if we were Amish friendship bread, we’d probably be opposed to baking.

almanac fungi: That would be one old almanac.

ditch lily smell: This one intrigues us, because in these parts, escaped daylilies, both the common orange Hemerocallis fulva and its red-throated orange cultivar ‘Europa ‘, are known as “ditch lilies” because they so often grow in the ditches alongside roads. Some daylilies are fragrant, including the lovely lemon lily, H. lilioasphodelus (formerly H. flava), and a number of cultivars, including the beloved old classic ‘Hyperion’. But most have no fragrance at all, including the so-called “ditch lilies.” However, a number of people have arrived at our blog over the past few days with this search phrase, which inclines us to think they’re looking for something else, perhaps the foul-smelling skunk cabbage. If anyone has a clue about this, please let us know!

* We just want to be sure that everyone realizes that manure tea is a liquid plant fertilizer, typically made by submerging a burlap sack of cow or horse manure in a 5-gallon bucket of water, not a refreshing drink for extremely depraved humans. Compost tea is made in a similar manner, substituting a shovelful of compost for the manure. It doesn’t smell the way manure tea does, but it’s not as high-nitrogen, either. We prefer to dilute liquid seaweed (kelp) in water and use that as a foliar feed or soil drench, and use compost as a top-dressing or soil amendment and manure as an ingredient in compost. But that’s just us.

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Still more wacky blog searches. February 25, 2010

Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
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2 comments

Our friend Ben and Silence Dogood aren’t especially happy about this winter’s weather trends. True, we’re not surprised that the snow and sleet are drowning us, after a sustained very wet spring, summer, and fall. But sheesh! As I write, we’ve had at least 48 inches of snow so far this winter—four times our average—with another foot expected over the next two days. That’s 60 inches, enough to bury Silence up to her neck! (Ow, Silence, no offense! Just reporting the facts!)

Anyway, to take our minds off the predicted deep snows, high winds, and power outages, we’d like to provide a little blog humor, courtesy of some of the searches that have recently turned up on our blog. These are captured for us by our blog host, WordPress, and, given the breadth of our subject matter, are always curious and often hilarious. Here are some of the latest and greatest, with, of course, our responses:

* Frugal living and plastic: Don’t ask, don’t tell.

*Poor old richard’s almanac: Oh, dear. Our friend and fellow blog contributor Richard Saunders is not amused! 

*Hat was the roosevelt’s square deal act: Uh, we’re assuming that would be “what.”

* Sir richard’s almanac: Richard Saunders says, “Now that’s more like it!”

* Moles on full body the Chinese almanac: We suggest that you check out the Crash Test Dummies’ “Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm” and leave us alone.

* Cheese of the month cheap: Good luck. If you find something good, please check back in and let us know. 

* Allergy to stink bug saliva: If you’ve been kissing stink bugs, we don’t want to know about it.

* A cream soup recipe lab: Um, thanks, but please keep your lab recipes to yourself.

* Photos delightful older ladies: Every conceivable comment suppressed, and please get off our blog.

Stay warm, dry, and well-fed,

          Our friend Ben, Silence, Richard Saunders, Shiloh, Linus, Plutarch, and beyond.

Why didn’t he wait for the brownies? July 9, 2008

Posted by ourfriendben in pets, wit and wisdom.
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4 comments

Okay, this is too much. WordPress’s blog stats have revealed to our friend Ben that someone came on Poor Richard’s Almanac this morning via the following search: “dog ate two cups of marijuana.”

Now, it is true that we strive to hand out helpful advice on our blog, whether we know what we’re talking about or not. And it is also true that our enormous golden retriever, Molly, will eat just about anything except lettuce, and she’ll even eat that if it has salad dressing on it.

But I’m afraid that this time, we just can’t help you. Our only experience of blissed-out dogs happened years ago, when the youthful Ben’s cocker-springer mix, Hapilus, used to wait for the pears at our family home to fall off the tree and ferment before eating them. Our friend Ben can attest that August was always a very, very happy month for Hapilus.

We can only hope that your dog is presently enjoying Deadhead dreams, and that you’ve spent what little remains of your income thoughtfully providing him with snacks in case he wakes up with a bad case of the munchies.

Not brownies, though, please. As we all know, chocolate is bad for dogs.