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They’re baaaack. September 24, 2012

Posted by ourfriendben in critters, gardening, wit and wisdom.
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Silence Dogood here. Yesterday, I was tending the plants on our deck when something on the railing caught my eye. It looked horrifically familiar. It couldn’t be…. but it was. The stinkbugs have come back! Later on, I saw another one. My arch-enemies have returned with the onset of cold weather, and they’re making for the house.

There are plenty of native stinkbugs in America, and they’re perfectly harmless, staying mostly out of sight and, more to the point, outdoors. But not the inadvertently imported brown marmorated stinkbug. The only good thing about this evil stinkbug is its name. During the growing season, they attack gardens and orchards. Then, when it gets cold, they move into people’s houses. How they get in I have no idea, but they do. And then they attack me.

For those who are blissfully unfamiliar with them, brown marmorated stinkbugs look like prehistoric monsters in miniature. They are ugly, unlike some native stinkbugs that are a beautiful shade of green. And, admittedly, I have about zero tolerance for bugs in the house, with the exception of spiders (as long as they keep away from me), though I do try to follow a live and let live policy, unless what’s managed to get in is a wasp. (Our friend Cole will actually trap wasps that get into his house under an upside-down glass, slide a sheet of paper under the glass, then take it outside and release the wasp. I’m not that tender-hearted. I just shart shouting for our friend Ben to come deal with it.)

Anyway, what makes stinkbugs so evil is that it’s not enough for them to simply invade the house. Because they’re brown, they can lurk unobtrusively on woodwork or curtains, waiting for their chance. Then, with an explosive roar, they blast off, inevitably landing on my shirt if I’m sitting at the computer, or even worse, on my pillow if I’m trying to sleep. GAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Talk about a test of my cardiac fitness, between the shock of the sudden noise of take-off and the even worse shock of the little monsters landing on me. (Of course, OFB finds my shrieks of fright hilarious. Somehow the stinkbugs never go for him.)  

I guess we’ll find out if my heart is up to it this season, because they’re definitely back.

                ‘Til next time,