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Be it resolved. January 1, 2012

Posted by ourfriendben in wit and wisdom.
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Silence Dogood here. Yesterday, a friend and I went to scenic Jim Thorpe, PA, a wonderful, quirky shopping destination that in its previous life was a Victorian resort town nestled in the mountains. The town retains that Victorian flavor, so it’s positively Dickensian when lit up for Christmas.

I was on a yarn-buying mission, but once I’d gotten my yarn fix, we visited a few other favorite shops. At our last stop, the proprietor mentioned his one New Year’s resolution. Yikes! I realized that our friend Ben and I hadn’t even thought about making resolutions this year. It was New Year’s Eve, so there was no time to be lost.

Staggering into the house under a mountain of packages, I attempted to alert OFB to our lack of resolve:

Silence: “Ben! BEEENNNN!!!”

Our friend Ben (emerging rather furtively from the kitchen, still trailing a few crumbs): “Mmmmph?!” (catching sight of the packages) “Santa, is that you under there?”

Silence: “Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!”

OFB: “Oh, Silence! For a moment there I didn’t recognize you. But then I heard your sweet voice…”

Silence: “Shut up, Ben. Did you make any New Year’s resolutions?”

OFB: “Uh…”

Silence: “Me either. We’d better come up with at least one apiece, and pronto!”

OFB: “Here’s one for you: I resolve to buy no more yarn until I’ve knitted all of that.”

Silence: “GRRRRRRRR…”

OFB (hastily): “All right, here’s one for me: I resolve to win the lottery this year. Win early, win often!”

Silence (thinking this over): “Well, I guess I can’t argue with that resolution. Hurry up about it, won’t you?” (looks slyly at OFB) “Just think of all the yarn I could buy with that money…”

OFB (groans, slapping hand melodramatically over eyes): “Well, what’s your resolution then?”

Silence: “Um… I resolve that, when you win the lottery, we’ll take a train ride across Canada, take Route 66 to Santa Fe, go to Greece, Crete, and Normandy, head down to Provence and Tuscany for a little sunshine and a lot of good food, then finish up with Scotland, Wales and the Lake Country!”

OFB: “Excellent plan. With all that money, I’m sure taking our black German shepherd Shiloh with us will be no problem.”

Silence (picturing ravaged restaurants, overturned farm carts, stampeded livestock): “Right.”

OFB: “Whew, I’m glad we got that over with for another year. And by the way” (disappearing into the kitchen, followed by a loud pop, then returning with two goblets of Clover Hill Blackberry Sparkler) “Happy New Year, Silence!”

And a very happy New Year to each and every one of you! May all your resolutions be achievable and may all your dreams come true!